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Tits of Gold Episode 2: Cracker's Paradise
“Last time on Tits of Gold….” “Seven brand new clashing personalities crashed into the Australian Outback only to be surprised even more with the revelation of their opponents: The seven pre-merge losers of BoS. The two teams were named the Happy Hams and the Furious Fuq Bois. The first challenge was for the teams to design and decorate their trailers, and in a near upset, the Fuq Bois came out on top, sending the Hams to the first elimination ceremony of the season.” “Meanwhile, a majority alliance was formed at the Hams consisting of members of the original OTDRP days: Bat, GO, Rocker, and Ultra. And at the ceremony, JRO was voted out, but some last-minute conflicts had Rocker disappear and kept JRO in the game…..Unfortunately.” “With thirteen left, who will get flushed tonight? Find out right here, right now. On Total! Drama! Tiiiits of Gold!” (Intro Plays) (Happy Hams- Day 4) Rocky: Well that sure was interesting…. Ultra: Pfft, you’re not kidding! GO: SO MUCH FOR THAT FOUR-PERSON OTDRP ALLIANCE LOOOOL! RJ: Alliance!? What alliance!? :O Bat: Oh don’t worry about GO, he’s just speaking gibberish, hehe… *sweating* GO: SO THE PLAN WAS ME, BAT, ULTRA, AND ROCKER WERE GONNA RUN A MAJORITY ALLIANCE ON THIS TEAM BUT SINCE ROCKER GOT CHASED AWAY BY DA COPS TO KFC GUESS THAT WON’T HAPPEN! Bat: *smacks hand over GO’s mouth* Shhhh! You idiot you just ruined us! Ultra: Yeah GO, way to go. Now you just screwed all three of us over! Rocky: Guess it’s a good thing I used my writer’s powers to get Rocker out of here, eh? LMAO Ultra: Wait, what writer’s powers? Bat: Yeah, what do you mean by that? (All of the Hams turn their heads over to Rocky and give him a look of suspicion) Rocky: I…. Uh……. Here’s Boy George and the Culture Club! *runs off* Boy George: *pops up and starts singing* KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA CHAMELEOONNN!!! You come and goooo! You come and goooo!!! Bat: Lame. GO: SHUT UP, BAT! THIS SHIT IS MY JAM NIGGA’! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RJ: *In Confessional* Ok, this is my wakeup call. I need to start paying attention more because those four had a majority alliance that I hadn no idea about! Time to start using my skills I learned in Boston Rob’s “Strategies of Life” book. Rocky: *In Confessional* Okay, NOW I will get myself eliminated…… Right after I help sort things out with this alliance stuff. JRO: *In Confessional, taking a shit* ERRRRRRRGGGHHH! It’s so loose! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Furious Fuq Bois- Day 4) (All the Fuq Bois are sleeping except for Milk and Mirnish, who are playing chess) Milk: Alright. So are we in this together? Mirnish: Yass bitch! Milk: Alright, it’s me, you, and RJ to the end. And to get the extra votes on our side, we can bring in Aqua and Lego for good measure….. WTF. Mirnish What? *looks behind and sees Ethan standing there* Omg! Ethan: …. Milk: Well, aren’t you gonna say something? Ethan: Uh… Hey nerds! Mirnish: No forget you! *takes out peanut butter jar and knocks Ethan out of the trailer with it* There! He’s gone for now! Milk: Yeah but now he knows! What do we do!? Mirnish: We vote him out, duh! :) Milk: Yeah but what if he tells the others about our little plan!? We’d be fucked! Unless…. Mirnish: Unless what? Milk: What if we keep him around for a bit. You know, make him feel involved within our alliance. Then when it’s time, we stab him in the back and throw him in the dumpster like a bag of garbage! Mirnish: Hmmmm okay yasss bitch! But who would we vote out first? Garret? Milk: Yep. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ethan: *In Confessional* I’m not exactly sure what to do about all of this…. Milk: *In Confessional* Something tells me that fucker Ethan is gonna screw everything up. Mirnish: *In Confessional* Yasss bitch! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chwiis: *In bathroom, fapping to Shrek poster* Oh yes Shrek! Give it to me ya mong! HNNNGGGGG *finishes* It’s all ogre now! *pulls up pants* (Chwiis leaves the bathroom) Chwiis: Wonder what the others are doing- *sees JRO molesting Lego* … JRO: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! *licks Legos cheeks* Lego: *panicking* H-Help me! Aqua: I think it’s time we exterminate this bug. Chwiis: Agreed. JRO: *gets thrown out of window and lands next to Ethan* Ethan: Sup nerd! JRO: Ghey. (Immunity Challenge- Day 5) Garret: *sees Rocker missing* Aw, they voted out Rocker! That’s a shame cus he was black and I hear blacks have big dicks! <3 Boograssi: Guys, this challenge is quite simple. All you have to do is make me the best dish. Since Señor Toastus is being a bitch right now and those Pizza Hut dudes are giving me flack. You have two hours. GO! GO: YES!? Bat: But what about Ultra? Grass: Huh? Where’d he go? Why isn’t he here? RJ: Idk. Boograssi: You know what, fuck it. That guy always signs up for this shit but never shows up. We’re gonna do the challenge without him. Now start making shit boi’s! (The two teams rush to the kitchen and start preparing) Chwiis: *Gets out thing of lettuce and starts yelling at it* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MAH KITCHEN!? Mirnish: *gets out thing of peanut butter and starts eating it* JRO: *eating all the food* Bat: He’s gonna eat all the ingredients. Rocky: I think I know what to do…. JRO, I think I saw some White Castle in the freezer. You should check it out. JRO: Mmmmmm, White Castle! *goes into freezer* RJ: *slams door behind JRO and locks it* Done! JRO: *In freezer* Hey guys, let me out, I promise I- *notices Garret in freezer with him* o-o Garret: Well hello there little buddy! Lets have some fun, shall we? ;) (JRO’s hand can be seen smacking onto the window of the freezer, before it is slowly dragged off) GO: *adds explosive sauce on dish* THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK ALULULULULULU I MEAN HEHE! (Two hours have then passed by and the teams gather around Boograssi with their dishes) Boograssi: First up, the Hams. RJ: *presents the dish to Boograssi* It’s lasagna with a touch of Explosive Sauce. Boograssi: Explosive sauce? Wonder what that could be. *blows up in his face* Rocky: OH SHIT! THAT SCARED THE FUCK OUTTA ME! Boograssi: Alright, next up, the Fuq Bois. Aqua: *presents a pile of shit to Grass* Here, we literally made a pile of shit, to express our feelings towards you. :) JRO: O-O *tackles the Fuq Bois’s dish and eats up the shit* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Aqua: WTF! Grass: Well, a blown up meal is better than nothing at all. The Happy Hams win immunity! Which means the Fuq Bois will be seeing me tomorrow at the Elimination Ceremony. AND it also means JRO is safe for three more days… Unfortunately. JRO: But don’t you love me bby!? Lego: SHUT YO MANLY ASS UP! (Furious Fuq Bois- Day 6) (Ethan, Milk, and Mirnish are gathered around in the trailer) Milk: So Ethan, you in or not? Ethan: Uh, okay… Mirnish: Good, just vote for Garret and you’ll be safe! :) Ethan: Lame. (Meanwhile, Aqua and Chwiis are having a discussion just outside of the trailer) Chwiis: So are we voting for Ethan m8? Aqua: I hope so. I just have this bad feeling… Rocky: *walks up to them, eating out of a bag of cashews* Hey guys. Chwiis: This fucking guy. Aqua: What do YOU want!? Rocky: What do I want!? I don’t want anything. I just stopped by and thought I’d let you know: I was walking by your trailer just a few minutes ago and overheard Milk and Mirnish telling Ethan they’re gonna vote YOU out *points at Aqua* Aqua: What!? Me!? Why me? Ugh, I swear those guys are bipolar af. Chwiis: ……. Yeah, sure they are, Rocky: Anyways, probably wasn’t a big deal or anything serious. So no need to worry. Anyways, peace. *walks off* Chwiis: I’d give that guy a gay/10. Aqua: I’m honestly scared now. We need to get Ethan and Garret and take one of those three out! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rocky: *In Confessional* Now I know I said I was trying not to be a biased writer here, but, I really don’t wanna see the Survivor-loving fuq boi alliance of RJ, Milk, Mirnish, Aqua and Lego run this game. So I made a *little* attempt to split them up. Ethan: *In Confessional* So Aqua and Chwiis just came up to me, and told me Mirnish is going! I don’t know what to do anymore! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Elimination Ceremony- Night 6) Boograssi: I have a pizza coming in and I need to make sure it doesn’t arrive on time so I can get it for free. The following peeps are safe: Lego Chwiis Ethan Milk Annnnnddd… Aqua! Aqua: Wait, what? Boograssi: Which means our bottom two are Garret and Mirnish. Mirnish: Wait what bitch!? Aqua: Oh mer gawd, I fucked up badly. Garret: But why me!? I’m nice! D: Chwiis: And I can do whatever I’m white! Boograssi: And in a 4-3 vote, the person going home is…. Mirnish! *tosses marshmallow to Garret* Mirnish: Bish what!? Lego: 4-3? Who flipped on us?..... ETHAN! >:( Ethan: I uh…… Nerds! Lego: SHUT YO MANLY ASS UP! You can’t be trusted! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ethan: *In Confessional* Oh I’m trustworthy… *puts on sunglasses and crosses arms* Just not to them. B) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Camera cuts to Mirnish sitting in the Flush of Shame) Boograssi:Any last words? Mirnish: Yasss bitch I- *gets flushed* Boograssi: Oh shit I didn’t think he was actually gonna have something to say! Oh well. Twelve remain to battle it out for a million dollars. Whose dreams will get crushed next? Tune in next week on Tits! Of! Goold!!! (End) (Preview for Episode 3 plays) “Next time on Tits of Gold….” “In an attempt to get himself voted off, Rocky comes up with a plan” Rocky: *putting on roller skates* This should teach those motherfuckers to mess with my cashews! “And meanwhile, Chwiis’s bigoted puns start to make his teammates feel rather uncomfortable” Chwiis: Wow, I did Nazi that one coming! Lego: Make it stop! Aqua: *In Confessional* I am soooo done with Chwiis at this point! “It all happens on Tits of Gold, Episode 3: Reservoir Hogs” (End of preview)